The home stretch

In exactly one month, I will take my Ph.D. oral qualifying exams. This is one of the biggest hurdles of my graduate student career, second only to the dissertation itself. I have studied with machine-like efficiency for five months, and I have learned more in this short time than I ever thought possible.

However, these Herculean efforts do not come without a price. To put it succinctly, studying at this kind of intensity is dehumanizing. As the number of books has piled ever higher on my desk, my mind has likewise become cluttered, making it difficult to remember people's names or even where I parked my bicycle. My social skills have deteriorated as mental fatigue inhibits my ability and desire to initiate conversations. Day by day, I feel myself becoming more isolated. Though very little study remains, my motivation is even less.

For close to three months, bicycling was a great escape from studying. But after 2000 miles of riding this spring, even that became a chore. Likewise, International house has provided me with many great experiences, but when spring break rolled around and I stayed here to study, I felt a sense of intense loneliness. Where should I turn? None of my books can give me a hug. And as much as I love my bicycle, it doesn't love me back.

I am extraordinarily grateful to have friends like Nick and Dean to help me through the rough patches. I like hanging out with Dean, because he is always as cool as a cucumber; we can talk about baseball, cricket, and assorted American cultural phenomena for hours on end, and it never gets old. With Nick, when I was feeling like garbage the other day, he helped me gain some perspective on my oral exams, reminding me that my professors are only role-playing as my "adversaries" this semester. After the exam is over, they'll revert back to being pillars of support. Likewise, I too am rehearsing for a role in a performance, one in which I emphasize my strengths, sidestep my ignorance, fend off attacks, and stay quick on my feet.

Writing this posting has been particularly difficult this evening because my brain feels like swiss cheese, and I can only concentrate for short periods at a time. Let me conclude by saying that I will rely heavily on my friends during the next month, and they will carry me over obstacles that I cannot make it through myself. I am grateful to all of you for your encouragement and prayers. Keep in mind the following dates:

Saturday, April 28 Devil Mountain Double Century, my ridiculously long bike race http://quackcyclists.com/Dmd07/Dmd2007.htm

Monday, May 14 2-5pm My date with destiny, the oral qualifying exam

Rare Berkeley Update

Before I begin, let me direct your attention to some visually stunning photos of Nicaragua taken by my photographer friend Tim Wagner:
http://berkeley.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2138741&l=98d99&id=1219341

I've been back in Berkeley for two full months now. It's rare for me to write entries in the United States, but since this is an unusual semester, I'll try it. My three main activities this semester are studying for oral exams, cycling, and socializing.

The studying was really hard at first, but now I've got a pretty good handle on it. There is a definite limit to the amount of things that one can learn each week, and my brain is almost always at the saturation point. At this point, I find it difficult to even remember people's names, but I can spout out a summary of the ten books that I read in the past week. It's a strange state of mind, but I can certainly keep it up for two more months.

Cycling is going well. After four months of little physical activity in Nicaragua, I was a feeble weed when I returned to Berkeley. Fortunately, it only took a couple of weeks to start getting strong again. Each week I ride my beautiful bike two or three times, climb stairs at the stadium, and lift weights (so people don't confuse my arms with toothpicks). Exercise is a great complement to studying, and it keeps me from becoming a prisoner of my brain.

My social life is radically different from previous semesters in Berkeley. Instead of living in the social periphery of North Berkeley, I am now in the hub of the universe at the International House. There's so much going on here that I never need to plan anything. That's a far cry from when Nick and I had to develop a student organization from scratch just to create social opportunities on campus.

I've met a lot of great people in the I-house this semester, but I sometimes feel hesitant to invest deeply in these friendships because I'll be leaving again so soon. I think that being a world traveler is starting to catch up with me. As great as it is to have friends all over the world, it also means that most of the people I deeply care about live far, far away. Still, I am grateful that my friend Jacqueline lives here in I-House and that I see Nick and Dean regularly.

Another new thing I'm doing this semester is going to church near campus at the catholic student center, Newman Hall. Given all my travels, I found it amazing how much diversity there is within Christianity. In Austria, I made great friends within the evangelical community. In Nicaragua, I felt like an outcast among the pentecostals but found the catholic church quite congenial. In America, I guess I'm a renegade Christian philosopher.

I've had some great luck with fellowship funding recently, so I'll be living in Germany this summer, learning how the archives work, doing dissertation research, and riding my bike all over the place.

I miss Latin America a lot, and I am certain that I have a big future there. However, I have no idea when that will be. In the meantime, you can be sure that I'll be reading lots of books, going on bike rides, and reflecting on life.

Pandora Internet Radio

If you're not familiar with Pandora, you're missing out! You can create your own radio station and listen to all the music you want, with no commercials. Best of all, it's free!

I've been fine-tuning a custom radio station for several months, and now it is ready for world-wide distribution. Check it out:

http://www.pandora.com/people/tomfiatlux

The long-awaited photos

I posted these photos in several different albums so they would be easier to manage. Enjoy, and tell me what your favorites are!

Esteli: http://berkeley.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2118387&l=9857c&id=1219341

Siuna: http://berkeley.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2118392&l=6102b&id=1219341

Matagalpa: http://berkeley.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2118399&l=b170e&id=1219341

Leon, Ometepe, and Honduras:
http://berkeley.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2118418&l=053f9&id=1219341

If you like this stuff, you really ought to visit Nicaragua yourself! It's super cheap, safe, and beautiful. It's not heavily touristed like Costa Rica, but it won't be long before it's swarming with travelers. It's helpful to speak a little bit of Spanish, but no matter what, the people are very friendly, and they love Americans! Simply by being a gringo who travels to Nicaragua, you'll find that the locals will be eager to talk to you and buy you drinks. No joke.

Looking forward, looking back

Today is my last day in Nicaragua. While I’ve been excited about coming home for a long time now, it suddenly occurred to me during my going-away party in Matagalpa how badly I would miss this place. I can’t wait to organize my pictures and show them to you guys. Stay tuned…

Looking forward, there is a lot to be excited about. On Thursday, I’m going to New Orleans to watch Rice University’s first bowl game in almost 50 years. Since they were coming off a 1-10 season last year, it’s even more shocking. After spending Christmas in Memphis with Mom and Dad, I blast off to California on December 26.

I’ve got big plans for the spring semester. First, I’m going to be living in the International House, where I’ll get to hang out with Latino and European students every day. I expect to make some awesome friends, as well as learn a lot about the world as I interact with everyone. Second, I’m going to train for the Devil Mountain Double (April 28), a one-day ride that covers 200 miles and nearly 19,000 vertical feet of climbing. It goes over two mountains and takes about 15 hours to complete. If I can survive this, my oral qualifying exams the following week will be easy in comparison.

Speaking of academics, I lucked out and got awarded Berkeley’s Academic Progress Award for spring 2007, so for the first time since starting graduate school in 2002, I won’t have to work while I’m trying to studying. With the extra free time I’ll have, I’d like to audit a Latin American history class, as well as take a paleontology class with Kevin Padian. Since he was an expert witness in the Dover Pennsylvania Intelligent Design Case, you can bet that it will be exciting.

After the semester ends, I’d like to head to Germany for the summer to become familiar with the archives, as well as do some sweet bike touring in the Alps with my friend Bernhard. It will also be great to drop by Innsbruck and visit my Austrian friends that I haven’t seen in years.

In the fall, I hope to move to South America and live in the Andes for a year or two. Besides being an awesome plan for mountainbiking, I think I could write a really good dissertation there, too. The general topic could be, “European scientific exploration of South America in the 19th century.” I didn´t have this idea before coming to Nicaragua, but living abroad can do crazy things to your mind.

When I think about what part of the world I'd most like to be affiliated with during the next fifty years, South America easily comes out on top. I think that it’s going to be a really exciting place in the 21st century, and I want to be a part of the changes that are underway. Also, my interests in Latin American history are much broader than those of Europe-- besides the intellectual and scientific issues, I am curious about the political, social, and cultural developments of Latin America in the 18th, 19th, and 20th centuries.

But this all belongs to the future. It’s fun to dream, but I don’t have my heart set on things unfolding exactly as I want them. Many of the best experiences in my life were completely unexpected! Some of the worst experiences too…

Looking back on the past two years, I’ve had some incredible ups and downs. There were times when all my wildest dreams came true, and times when I couldn’t bear to live another day. I don’t know if there is any connection between these two extremes in my life, but I know exactly what it feels like to hit rock-bottom. Having passed through multiple episodes of clinical depression, things that used to worry me don’t really bother me anymore. Doing major research projects, applying for fellowships, running out of money, wondering where I’ll be a year from now; all these things seem so small in comparison. Who would have thought that watching my life completely fall apart would be such a liberating experience?

Having been through all of this, I’ve also found that I am more grateful than ever for the good times and the great people in my life. I’d like to take this moment to thank some of those who have been instrumental in making me who I am. First, my mom and dad, who tirelessly support me regardless of how crazy my plans may seem. My sister, who encouraged me to complete my grad school applications when I felt like giving up. Claudia and Luke, who I carry with me every day of my life; I honestly don’t know who I would be if I hadn’t met them. Christian and Andrew, who challenged me to confront Christianity head-on, using all the intellectual tools I could muster. Nick and Dean, who have been my constant companions during my time in Berkeley; they have been more important to me than anything else that’s happened in grad school. Thanks to Verena for all the phone conversations we’ve had in the past three years. And thanks to everyone I’ve been bicycling with (you know who you are). We’ve shared experiences that most people only dream of.

I am grateful for all of you, and I pray that you will continue to love and support lots of other people, just as you have done with me.

See you soon!

Report from Matagalpa

I’m leaving Matagalpa today, and while I’m really excited to come back to the States, I’m really sad to leave this place. Matagalpa is easily the best city I’ve been to in Nicaragua, and if an interesting research project were available, it would be easy to spend a year here. Let me tell you about a few of the things that I like about it. The weather here is beautiful, much like that of Southern California. It’s also way up in the mountains, so there are great places for hiking and biking. Matagalpa has several universities, so there are lots of young people and an amazing nightlife. There’s a sign in town that captures the local scene nicely: “Las mujeres mas lindas de Nicaragua están en Matagalpa y dan amor verdadero.”

That being said, let me tell you about my time here. I worked with Matagalpa Tours, and my primary responsibility was translating their website from Spanish to English-- it should be up shortly (http://www.matagalpatours.com/). I also lived with a really nice host family, and their oldest son Guillermo was fun to hang out with. Since he is 20 years old and 100 percent hormones, we went out drinking and dancing a lot. While this is not my usual scene, it worked out well for a number of reasons. First, since I was without my bicycle, I had no reason to go to bed early and get up early. Second, since I didn’t know anyone when I arrived, I relished the opportunity to meet new people. Third, since my Spanish skills are not up to the task of having deep philosophical discussions, I fit in just fine at the discos and bars, where it’s perfectly acceptable to have superficial conversations.

I will relate one story here that says a lot about what it’s like to be a gringo in Nicaragua. During my first week here, I went out dancing with Guillermo and two of his lady friends, one of whom had just been in the Miss Nicaragua contest the night before. That weekend was the Fiesta de Oro in Matagalpa, so the city transformed one of its buildings into a giant dance club. When we arrived, I couldn’t believe my eyes—it felt like we had just stepped into an MTV video. Reggaeton was blasting from the speakers, platform dancers were strutting their stuff, and a mass of humanity was grinding on the dance floor. After a few songs and a few beers, we were swept into the mix.

I had a blast with Guillermo’s friends, but as the night wound down to a close, I had a very odd conversation with Carla. We were talking about what we wanted to do the next day when she asked, “Why don’t we rent a car and drive to Selva Negra tomorrow?” Now while this followed the script of every adolescent male fantasy, it really caught me off guard. First, it is really uncommon to rent cars in Nicaragua-- it is quite expensive, and it was obvious that she was expecting me to pay. Second, it’s super easy to get to Selva Negra by bus and costs less than a dollar. After asking her several times to make sure that I had understood her correctly, I told her this, and a long, awkward silence ensued. Then it occurred to me, “This is exactly how stereotypes get perpetuated—“Rich gringo goes out with beautiful, young Nicaraguan girl for weekend of fun.” There was no way I wanted to go down this road, because there was no way that it could possibly turn out well. So we took her home, I felt really bad about the situation for a day, then everything smoothed itself out. And I was a little bit wiser.

But the evening did not actually end there. We went back to the disco for a few more songs, and when we got in, they were playing head banger music. Guillermo jumped into the mosh pit, but Joselin and I held back. In less than 60 seconds, Guillermo came rushing back, his mouth and throat covered in blood. We didn’t know if his nose was broken, his teeth were knocked out, or what had happened. He yanked his shirt off to keep it from getting bloody, and we ran out of the building to look for a taxi to take us to the hospital. Little wonder that nobody wanted to pick us up, since with his cornrows, big silver chain, and blood all over him, it looked like he had been in a gang fight. But miraculously, his cousin showed up in his pickup truck and whisked us to the hospital. The doctor checked him out, cleaned him up, and told us he’d be okay. He didn’t need any stitches, but he had a big fat lip for the next three days. His mother was certain that he had been in a fight, but I assured her that it wasn’t nearly as cool as that—somebody in the mosh pit had accidentally bashed his mouth with the back of their head. Nothing to brag about, really. But it sure makes for a good story...

Nicaraguan presidential elections

After receiving emails from Kevin and Curt asking about the state of affairs in Nicaragua after their presidential elections, I decided to write a blog entry about my general impressions. The election took place November 5 and featured four major candidates. Historically, Nicaraguan political parties have been of two types, liberal and conservative. These are not to be confused with the political parties of the United States, however. Liberals in Latin American politics are essentially neo-liberals, following a tradition that dates back to 18th century enlightenment Europe and the laissez faire economics of Adam Smith. The conservatives represent a group which we no longer have in the United States, something that you might call royalist. It has a strong continuity with the ancien regime in Europe before the French Revolution. Another important issue in Latin America is the relationship between the church and state. Liberals have traditionally been anti-clerical, whereas the conservatives tend to use the church as a political instrument.

With this context in mind, let´s look at the current political situation in Nicaragua. The liberals are represented by two parties, the PLC and the ALN. The current president, Enrique Bolaños, is a member of the PLC. It, however, has been racked with corruption, and a new liberal party, the ALN, arose as an alternative. The ALN´s candidate, Eduardo Montealegre, was the finance minister of the past two PLC administrations, but due to internal strife, wasn´t allowed to run for the presidency in their party. Of all the candiates, he has received the greatest support from the United States government for this election.

The other two major parties the FSLN and the MRS. Both of them are Sandinistas, the group that overthrew the Somoza dictatorship in 1979 and ruled Nicaragua for the next decade. Because of their socialist tendencies, the United States funded the Contra War to depose them. Daniel Ortega was the president during this tumultuous period, but he gave up power in 1990 when he lost a democratic election. Since then, he has run for the presidency in each subsequent election, and he has lost each time. He is a determined man.

Having lost the last three elections, Ortega tried a new tactic this time. He ran on a platform ‘reconciliation and peace,’ and he mended rifts with his former enemies, the Contras. In fact, he chose Jaime Morales, the former leader of the Contras, to be his running mate! Ortega also smoothed things over with another major political power, the Catholic Church, with whom he had serious friction in the 1980´s. Clearly, a lot has changed since the Sandinistas have been out of power. They have become a lot more moderate, and a lot more willing to work with opposition to find acceptable compromises, thus maintaining peace during a turbulent period.

But like the liberals, the Sandinistas were not fully united either. There are many Sandinistas who do not like Daniel Ortega, and they are upset that he continues to run for president every election, rather than stepping aside and letting others take charge. Thus they formed another Sandinista party, the MRS, and chose as their candidate the beloved former mayor of Managua, a man named Herty. Unfortunately, he suffered a heart attack and died this summer, effectively ending their chances of gaining the presidency.

In the weeks before the election, the favorites were the ALN´s Montealegre and the FSLN´s Ortega, but neither had a decisive advantage. When the elections took place, everyone waited with baited breath for the outcome. To keep things calm, the sale of alcohol was prohibited and the discos were closed. Lots of election officials were present, including those from the United States and Europe, to insure that no one would manipulate the outcome.

Everyone voted on Sunday, November 5, but the results would not be official until Tuesday. On Sunday night, it was clear that Ortega had surged to an early lead, and the Sandinistas started partying like it was 1979. I woke up at 5am on Monday to some explosions that sounded like gunshots. I poked my head out the window to see if all hell had broken loose, but what I found was the neighborhood kids shooting fireworks and waving Sandanista flags. Nevertheless, the election was far from decided.

On Tuesday, I traveled to my new home of Matagalpa, where everyone was eagerly awaiting the official announcement. Knowing that I was in a Sandinista stronghold, I put on my Sandinista t-shirt with the expectation that it would generate some entertaining discussion. It wasn´t two minutes before a guy pulled me into a bar and started buying me drinks—‘A friend of the Frente is a friend of mine,’ he said. Then we watched on television as the results were announced. The winner was Daniel Ortega! The town went crazy, and my new friends and I jumped into a pickup truck to zoom around town in a spontaneous victory parade. It was surreal. I was watching history unfold before my eyes. The only event in my memory that I could compare this to was watching television coverage of the fall of the Berlin Wall of 1989. But being in Nicaragua in person made this moment much more vivid. Nicaragua has hope again! It brings tears to my eyes to reflect on this moment.

What can we expect from El Frente Sandinista in the next five years? Their general political philosophy is a social-democratic, mixed economy, probably most similar to that of Scandinavia. They aim to provide better social services for the poor and promise not to nationalize anyone´s private property or business. This comes at a good time, because every since the Sandinistas lost power in 1980, illiteracy has been climbing, health care has become deplorable, and chronic unemployment is decimating communities and families.

Can the Sandinistas follow through on their promises? We´ll have to wait and see. However, they already had a significant degree of success in the 1980´s, especially considering that the United States was doing everything possible, including violating International Law, to destroy them. Hopefully the U.S. has learned its lesson in Iraq and will not try to manipulate Nicaraguan politics this time around. Now if only there were a presidential candidate in the United States who ran on a platform of ‘reconciliation and peace’ in 2008, THAT would be someone I could vote for!