Looking forward, looking back

Today is my last day in Nicaragua. While I’ve been excited about coming home for a long time now, it suddenly occurred to me during my going-away party in Matagalpa how badly I would miss this place. I can’t wait to organize my pictures and show them to you guys. Stay tuned…

Looking forward, there is a lot to be excited about. On Thursday, I’m going to New Orleans to watch Rice University’s first bowl game in almost 50 years. Since they were coming off a 1-10 season last year, it’s even more shocking. After spending Christmas in Memphis with Mom and Dad, I blast off to California on December 26.

I’ve got big plans for the spring semester. First, I’m going to be living in the International House, where I’ll get to hang out with Latino and European students every day. I expect to make some awesome friends, as well as learn a lot about the world as I interact with everyone. Second, I’m going to train for the Devil Mountain Double (April 28), a one-day ride that covers 200 miles and nearly 19,000 vertical feet of climbing. It goes over two mountains and takes about 15 hours to complete. If I can survive this, my oral qualifying exams the following week will be easy in comparison.

Speaking of academics, I lucked out and got awarded Berkeley’s Academic Progress Award for spring 2007, so for the first time since starting graduate school in 2002, I won’t have to work while I’m trying to studying. With the extra free time I’ll have, I’d like to audit a Latin American history class, as well as take a paleontology class with Kevin Padian. Since he was an expert witness in the Dover Pennsylvania Intelligent Design Case, you can bet that it will be exciting.

After the semester ends, I’d like to head to Germany for the summer to become familiar with the archives, as well as do some sweet bike touring in the Alps with my friend Bernhard. It will also be great to drop by Innsbruck and visit my Austrian friends that I haven’t seen in years.

In the fall, I hope to move to South America and live in the Andes for a year or two. Besides being an awesome plan for mountainbiking, I think I could write a really good dissertation there, too. The general topic could be, “European scientific exploration of South America in the 19th century.” I didn´t have this idea before coming to Nicaragua, but living abroad can do crazy things to your mind.

When I think about what part of the world I'd most like to be affiliated with during the next fifty years, South America easily comes out on top. I think that it’s going to be a really exciting place in the 21st century, and I want to be a part of the changes that are underway. Also, my interests in Latin American history are much broader than those of Europe-- besides the intellectual and scientific issues, I am curious about the political, social, and cultural developments of Latin America in the 18th, 19th, and 20th centuries.

But this all belongs to the future. It’s fun to dream, but I don’t have my heart set on things unfolding exactly as I want them. Many of the best experiences in my life were completely unexpected! Some of the worst experiences too…

Looking back on the past two years, I’ve had some incredible ups and downs. There were times when all my wildest dreams came true, and times when I couldn’t bear to live another day. I don’t know if there is any connection between these two extremes in my life, but I know exactly what it feels like to hit rock-bottom. Having passed through multiple episodes of clinical depression, things that used to worry me don’t really bother me anymore. Doing major research projects, applying for fellowships, running out of money, wondering where I’ll be a year from now; all these things seem so small in comparison. Who would have thought that watching my life completely fall apart would be such a liberating experience?

Having been through all of this, I’ve also found that I am more grateful than ever for the good times and the great people in my life. I’d like to take this moment to thank some of those who have been instrumental in making me who I am. First, my mom and dad, who tirelessly support me regardless of how crazy my plans may seem. My sister, who encouraged me to complete my grad school applications when I felt like giving up. Claudia and Luke, who I carry with me every day of my life; I honestly don’t know who I would be if I hadn’t met them. Christian and Andrew, who challenged me to confront Christianity head-on, using all the intellectual tools I could muster. Nick and Dean, who have been my constant companions during my time in Berkeley; they have been more important to me than anything else that’s happened in grad school. Thanks to Verena for all the phone conversations we’ve had in the past three years. And thanks to everyone I’ve been bicycling with (you know who you are). We’ve shared experiences that most people only dream of.

I am grateful for all of you, and I pray that you will continue to love and support lots of other people, just as you have done with me.

See you soon!