The home stretch

In exactly one month, I will take my Ph.D. oral qualifying exams. This is one of the biggest hurdles of my graduate student career, second only to the dissertation itself. I have studied with machine-like efficiency for five months, and I have learned more in this short time than I ever thought possible.

However, these Herculean efforts do not come without a price. To put it succinctly, studying at this kind of intensity is dehumanizing. As the number of books has piled ever higher on my desk, my mind has likewise become cluttered, making it difficult to remember people's names or even where I parked my bicycle. My social skills have deteriorated as mental fatigue inhibits my ability and desire to initiate conversations. Day by day, I feel myself becoming more isolated. Though very little study remains, my motivation is even less.

For close to three months, bicycling was a great escape from studying. But after 2000 miles of riding this spring, even that became a chore. Likewise, International house has provided me with many great experiences, but when spring break rolled around and I stayed here to study, I felt a sense of intense loneliness. Where should I turn? None of my books can give me a hug. And as much as I love my bicycle, it doesn't love me back.

I am extraordinarily grateful to have friends like Nick and Dean to help me through the rough patches. I like hanging out with Dean, because he is always as cool as a cucumber; we can talk about baseball, cricket, and assorted American cultural phenomena for hours on end, and it never gets old. With Nick, when I was feeling like garbage the other day, he helped me gain some perspective on my oral exams, reminding me that my professors are only role-playing as my "adversaries" this semester. After the exam is over, they'll revert back to being pillars of support. Likewise, I too am rehearsing for a role in a performance, one in which I emphasize my strengths, sidestep my ignorance, fend off attacks, and stay quick on my feet.

Writing this posting has been particularly difficult this evening because my brain feels like swiss cheese, and I can only concentrate for short periods at a time. Let me conclude by saying that I will rely heavily on my friends during the next month, and they will carry me over obstacles that I cannot make it through myself. I am grateful to all of you for your encouragement and prayers. Keep in mind the following dates:

Saturday, April 28 Devil Mountain Double Century, my ridiculously long bike race http://quackcyclists.com/Dmd07/Dmd2007.htm

Monday, May 14 2-5pm My date with destiny, the oral qualifying exam